Sleep Is For Virgins
by Insanity-Plus
Summary: After a long day of school, Hollow hunting, and dealing with his dysfunctional family and friends, all Ichigo wants to do is sleep. But, of course, Rukia has an important question to ask him about something his father gave her. IchiRuki. IchigoXRukia. Short One-Shot. Humor. R&R!


**Before anyone says anything...I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM! **

**I was in bed last night and you know how you have that period where your thoughts are jumbled because you're in between consciousness and sleep? Well, while in that space I had one, weird, disturbing thought:**

"**Sleep is for virgins!" **

**So, this story was made. **

**ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters associated with the Anime/Manga. They belong to Tite Kubo and Shonen Jump Magazine. Please support the official release.**

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With a content sigh, Ichigo snuggled deeper into the warmth and comfort of his comforter. After a long day of school, Hollow exterminating, and general irritation towards the social dysfunction that was his family and friends, he was in dire need of rest. His pillow felt like heaven under his heavy head as he closed his eyes and turned to his side, relaxing under his warm blanket that shielded his body from the November chill outside. He was in such a state of relaxation that he let loose a small smile to graze his usually scowling lips.

This was true paradise.

As the seconds ticked by on the battery-powered clock on his desk, his smile began to ebb away. Slowly but surely, his scowl returned and he opened his tired eyes to stare blankly at the wall in front of him.

"You're standing over my bed, aren't you?"

"Yes,"

Ichigo turned to find Rukia standing near the edge of his bed, a frown marring her pale features. She was dressed in her white nightgown that she had obtained soon after being accepted into the Kurosaki household, looking more curious than tired despite the hour. Ichigo gave her a dour glare, grunting as he turned to face her.

"What do you want, Rukia?" he asked groggily, wanting so badly to get rid of her so he could finally get to sleep.

Rukia shifted uncomfortably, looking innocent as she averted her violet gaze to stare down at her feet rather than into his amber eyes. "I...have a question."

With a groan, Ichigo rolled back over onto his side facing towards the wall. "I don't have time for one of your idiotic questions. I'll answer it tomorrow after I've gotten some sleep."

He heard her huff in indignation, the bed moving slightly as she pressed her knees against the edge to stir him. "But Ichigo! I want to know what this weird thing is!" she whined, keeping her voice low as to not disturb the rest of the house.

"What 'thing'?" he grumbled into his pillow.

"This thing," Rukia said, the sound of shuffling following. She was pulling something out of her pocket, and knowing that he wasn't patient enough to have her describe it to him he turned his head to take a look.

"What is..." he froze at the sight of the object held between Rukia's fingers. He turned his entire body towards her to take a better look.

It was square with red wrapping and a ringlet bulge in the middle.

It was a condom.

A _strawberry-flavored _condom.

He nearly died of a brain-aneurysm right then and there.

"Rukia..."

"Yes?"

"Where did you get that?"

"Your father gave it to me,"

Of course. Only his father would give Rukia a freakin' _condom. _

"Can you tell me what it is?" she insisted, holding the red wrapper closer to his face, as if the proximity would make it more clear to him what it was. He didn't need it this close to his face to know what it was. In fact, he didn't need it this close to his face _period. _

"Go flush it," Ichigo demanded.

Rukia blinked. "Wha-"

"Just trust me, it's nothing you want to know about." he cut her off, turning back over to hide his embarrassed face under his covers.

Silence filled the room for a few uncomfortable seconds, Rukia just standing by his bed in contemplation. He knew she was still there from the fact he didn't hear her footsteps exiting his room. He wished she would just head his advice and just go, because he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go to-

"I just want you to know, Ichigo, that I know full well what this object is. I not only know what it is, but know how to use it. I was merely showing it to you so that you would know that I have it and was willing to use it, should you decide to grow the balls to finally make a move." Rukia said, placing the condom back in her pocket and walking towards the door. "If you _need_ me, I'll be in your sisters' room."

Ichigo listened to her footsteps as she left his bedroom, his eyes wide open and his jaw slightly unhinged. It took a full three seconds for Rukia's words to register in his mind, and once they did he was out of bed and running down the hall after Rukia faster than any _shun-po_ ever was.

Sleep was for virgins anyway.

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**Twenty minutes came out with this! I feel proud of myself. **

**I hope you guys enjoyed one of my more humorous stories! **

**REVIEW!**


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